Reality Hits Hard.

It's easy to pretend everything's okay when you're secluded. But when you have to face the world it's a lot harder. That's when you have to acknowledge the reality of situations and deal with the obstacles life had thrown at you.
This time last year, I was hurt. I was confused. But I knew what I wanted and I had the support of my friends to help me achieve that and I had them to hold me up each time I didn't get it.
It may seem crazy, but sometimes I think I want those times back. I mean, yes I was hurting and I don't miss the pain, but having those friends that could help me forget or give me advice or just be there for me and let me have fun.... that got me through the hardest, most painful times.
Now, I have all the things I strived for this time last year. But without my friends, I still feel empty.

I guess you can never have it all.

The loss of the circle.

So it's March 2012 and I haven't blogged since Oct last year. I would like to say its because my life has been full of fun, fabulous, exciting things. But the truth is, i've just been living.  I've kinda settled into Uni & I'm fast approaching the end of my first year. I've got 2 more assignments & 5weeks of placement. Then I'm out for summer!  It's weird but Uni is the easiest part of life right now. I can get lost in my coursework and organisation and not think about anything else. Which to be honest, is perfect. 
My relationship right now is great... No complaints. Well there's one but we'll get to that later.
My family life... Well it's family. There's been a few more bereavements since the last and my grans been in hospital  but we're a strong family unit & we always get through it together. 
Unfortunately, not everything can be dealt with so simply.  There's an irresolvable issue that's been going on for almost 2months now. It's messed up the dynamics of my life outside Uni indefinitely... I'd love to explain the whole story, but really it's so complex that unless you know everyone involved you'd never understand.  But let's just say my 'circle' of friends is now more of a hexagon & I don't see that changing anytime soon.
                         I've been excluded from the group. For being real, upfront and honest. For not being two-faced but speaking my mind and wanting to resolve something I was unhappy with.  Problem is... the female I had this issue with was/is not in a good place and blew everything out of context, getting every tom dick and Harry involved in an issue that could have stayed between me and her. Consequently, I've lost one of my best friends & I'm out!!!
  This whole situation has made me realise that some of the friendships I lost were conditional & to me, that's not friendship. You can't lock someone off - your close friend - when all you've heard is one angry females side & not the others. How does that work?? 
                     What gets me is I'm being called the immature one. When I'm the one who went directly to the person I was annoyed with and tried to discuss the issue. I'm the one who kept the conversation and on-goings to myself. And I'm the one who's lost the most and still hasn't blown up.  I'd like to say I've learnt from this and I'm not bothered by it. But that would be a lie. I feel like I'm dying inside. From immediate count, I lost two of my closest friends and no longer wish to have any ties with the other female which is straining my relationship.... (The girl is my boyfriend's closest friend). I don't know how to rectify the situation. I will not apologise to the girl because I don't believe I was wrong for the things I said. Maybe the way I addressed the issue but NOT what I said.  How can I be punished for trying to be real and direct and  not two-faced and hypocritical?  
                               The worst part... Everyone is fighting her corner because she's told them her story. No-one's heard mine.